Well, it has happened again. Someone else I knew has committed suicide. This time it was the brother of my college sweetheart. To say she is heartbroken doesn't even come close. She sent me a message via Facebook to let me know. She said she had been thinking about me ever since it happened. "I needed to tell someone who would understand! Thank you!" When we dated I spent a lot of time trying to talk to her about my brother but it was hard for her not having experience/perspective on the subject. I don't know if it is a secret he took his life or not but I would understand the families need to keep it private. Even today families have a hard time dealing with suicide. In my family my parents acted openly that it never happened. After my brother died it was a taboo subject to even mention my brother. It was like he never existed. I never received counseling until I was an adult and sought it out for myself.
I wrote J. and expressed sympathy for her. I wish I could take the pain for her. I wish I could make her suffering disappear. She was always a really nice person and to know she is in pain sucks. I gave her the following link forum.forsuicidesurvivors.com/ It is a really great place for survivors of suicide. I used to hang out there but it became overwhelming. Each time I visited there were always new stories of loss from family members.
I sent J. my phone number if she wanted to talk. I don't expect her to call. It is so fresh and raw for her I think it may be too much too soon. I just wanted her to know she isn't alone. There literally thousands of us survivors. I was honest that the pain never goes away. It's just a wound that scabs over never fully healing.
Scab
Red brown crusted scab
Loosely holds the wound
closed preventing more spilled blood
torn apart emotions flow
out each time the scab cracks open
anniversaries, birthdays old pictures
tear the gash wide open revealing
loss and heartbreak pouring out
J. I would do anything to save you the agony you are feeling. I hope you find peace someday.
Peace
dumbdavid
