French Silk Pie

French Silk Pie is the best. Very rich tasting. It's made totally of sinful things and lots of calories. Killing time presently. I have killed a lot of time the last few months. It will be strange to go back to work, any work. I ran into a co-worker before I left on this surgery trip. It was strange talking to her. She sounded shocked I was still an employee. It's weird not knowing where I will end up job wise. Will my rehab be successful enough to return to my employer? Who knows. I don't particularly trust my employer at this point after what I have been put through. It sucks after five years of dirty hard work.

I can't believe I am going home tomorrow. I am sad. It has been eventual time here. My feelings are stronger than ever. I can't wait for the future chapters to unfold for us. Phyllis I love you! I wish I could tell the whole world. We're not perfect. Nobody is. We'll see what the future holds. This didn't just randomly happen. I could not ask for more.

Peace
dumbdavid

What me worry?

Always loved Mad Magazine growing up.

I worry, a lot. I internalize a lot of my feelings. Especially feelings that are stressful. I am use to hiding stuff from my dad so he doesn't worry. I think it may appear that I am carefree regarding my work situation. It is scary thinking about not returning to work because of my elbow. I will probably have to move. Yet I can't lift anything for quite some time. Movers are expensive, deposit and first months rent are expensive. Moving in with my dad would ruin the relationship I have worked so hard to nurture the last five years. I would end up resenting his negativity. It would create a overly stressful situation where I might want to drink. That is not an option for me.

I worry about this beautiful new person in my life. I worry the garbage of my past life will ruin things. I try to grow and put stuff behind me. I can't deny my alcoholism, I won't. It's part of me forever. I can't seem to shake the financial instability. Divorce is hard. When my decree was signed I was immediately 3 thousand dollars behind on child support. It took me a long time to catch up. I have been current for several years. I am not rich. I will probably not ever going to be rich. I accept my situation and I do worry about it. Probably too much.

peace

dumbdavid

Candlelight

Let's hope I never have to identify with the Staind song, "It's been awhile." Except there are the lines,

And it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste


Candlelight illuminates peoples faces and their souls. It allows for a shared intimacy I didn't know existed. I never thought I could feel that close to someone, to actually share their tears. To have the tears transfer onto my cheeks. I felt a closeness that I had no idea existed. I sit in awe this morning of the glory I have experienced last night. Feeling blessed just doesn't seem strong enough. I hope to remain worthy for the years to come of this trust. It would be like hurting myself if I screwed up.

Candlelight. Lighting the moments of our souls.

Peace

dumbdavid

I miss my Mom

9 hour countdown. I hate the waiting. The prize is worth it though. It's Christmas Eve and I want to open all my presents. It's a wonderful feeling.

I had a strange experience yesterday. Someone wanted to use one of my poems to help their client. The details aren't important here but the fact she thought so highly of my poem really touched me. I guess I never had any aspirations as a poet. I just wrote for me. It is so rewarding when people identify with my poems. Now, I am writing short stories. I have one fan. She says she loves my stories.

I miss my Mom. She was such an avid reader. I think she would really enjoy reading my stories. I think she would have been a good editor for me too. I will dedicate my first novel to her if I ever get that far. Novels scare me. It is so much more involved technically and emotionally. I won't write pulp. I think action novels are fun entertainment, but not what I think is my strong suit. I like the deep emotional connection between characters and conflict. I guess I am a sap too because I like when dramatic movies have a romantic angle too.

Too my biggest fan, my faraway friend. You know who you are. I love you. You are my muse! I love writing and writing to you is such a bonus. Keep reading please.

Peace

dumbdavid

Sunrises and Sunsets

There is nothing like sharing a sunrise or sunset with the one you love. It is a special gift just between the two of you. I have someone now who appreciates the sunrises and sunsets like me. It's incredible. Life is amazing that you have to wait until your in your mid 40's to really appreciate things. I guess I wasn't ready yet for this happiness. It is totally worth the waiting now. Even apart, it stills feels so good right now. 34 hours now. I can't wait. 11 glorious nights together. Life is good now.

Peace

dumbdavid

Negativity no more....

Happiness is communicating with the one you love. It's funny I started this blog so long ago filled with negativity. Now I feel hope and love. I hope it lasts. This change in my life is wonderful. It's hard to believe it's really happening. I am blessed now.

Touch. I was a starving man in the desert before. Now, I am a glutton waiting for every morsel to savor. I know why babies need touch. I just didn't realize as a grown man how much I had been missing until now. I feel like a heroin junkie waiting for my next fix. It's wonderful.

Can't wait for Thursday. Tick Tock. Every second of every minute of every hour drags on. Maui on my mind. Walking the beach with that special person. It will be heaven.

Peace

dumbdavid

Three little words

It amazes me what three words can do. It is so hard to say them and yet they carry so much weight. Hearing them back is like the sun shining after a horrible thunderstorm. I am blessed that I went ahead and took the leap. It was worth the risk to my soul. Life is about risks versus hiding in a shell. I am living now and not riding the bus like that old asshole. Enough of him. I will live my life and be in love.

Here is a tribute. I could not ask for more...





Peace

dumbdavid

Together

Together! I love the sound of that. Even though miles can separate two people. You are still together. The connection between two people that bridges the distance and time apart. I love the Yin/Yang symbol. It fits so perfectly now in my life. I have found the Yin to my Yang. A perfect symmetry exists between us. We fit each other like a key and lock.

It's an amazing feeling of completeness. There is a balance between us. We have a teeter totter balance. Up and down we level the other person when they are stressed and they return it when I am stressed. I couldn't imagine this. I think I finally know how my parents made it 43 years together. I never had an appreciation before.

Thank you. You wonderful, beautiful person who balances me.

Peace

dumbdavid

Maui

The chance to go to Hawaii has come up in the future. I thought I would never have a chance to see those wonderful sunsets again. I was a teenager back when I was last there. You can't appreciate the beauty of a sunset like those in Hawaii until you have lived some of life's hard lessons.

I thought I would never have a chance at love again in my life but it appears that yes I do get one more chance. God, I worry that I will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and this person will go away. I have to let go like the Serenity Prayer says. I can't control everything. I just have to be myself and let happen what will happen. I am just so grateful now. It's wonderful to be in this part of my life after so much has happened. I really appreciate the goodness of this moment. I want to savor every morsel I have in this relationship.

Maui and the one you love. Could anything be more perfect. I can't thing of it.

Peace

dumbdavid

Facebook

I would have never believe Facebook would change my life, but it did. It's a wonderful thing. I have heard that this isn't a unique experience but it feels that way to me. Writing a new story I needed a love song from WWII. I blindly found the song by Glenn Miller "Always in my heart" it fit my story and my life at the same time. Who would have known a song that is sixty plus years old could do that. Sure the music is dated but the sentiment isn't. Here it is.

Glenn Miller Always in my Heart:

You are always in my heart
Even though you’re far away
I can hear the music of
The song of love
I sang with you
You are always in my heart
And when skies above are grey
I remember that you care
And then and there
The sun breaks through

Just before I go to sleep
There’s a rendezvous I keep
And a dream I always meet
Helps me forget we’re far apart
I don’t know exactly when, dear,
But I’m sure we’ll meet again, dear,
And my darling, till we do
You are always in my heart!

W. you are always in my heart!

I could not ask for more by Edwin McCain

Has there ever been a more perfect song for two people.

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Chorus
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Chorus

I could not ask for more than the love you give me 'Coz it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more


It's simply perfect and I could not ask for more. To my faraway friend.

Peace

dumbdavid

Southern Cross

I like traveling. I like to take road trips. I like discovering new things. Zoos, Boats, Mansions, Duluth and camping. These are things I am looking forward to this year. Each day is getting better. Little by little the outlook has changed. The ship has turned to a new compass heading. The wind is at my back and the sails are filling. I love the Crosby, Stills, and Nash song Southern Cross. It's a sad song but the imagery of sailing the south pacific.

Got out of town on a boat
Goin' to Southern islands.
Sailing a reach
Before a followin' sea.
She was makin' for the trades
On the outside,
And the downhill run
To Papeete.
Off the wind on this heading
Lie the Marquesas.
We got eighty feet of the waterline.
Nicely making way.

Does it get any better than that. I want to sail around the world. I and I know who with.

Peace

dumbdavid

Writing

I have started writing a Grateful journal. This was a homework assignment. I am to include positives and negatives in my life with a positive spin. Example on the negative, I hate icy roads, but I am grateful for it because I must focus more on my driving. I sometimes don't pay attention enough. Music! I don't talk on my cell phone except for calls from my dad. Those are very short though because he agrees with me about not talking and driving.

I am so grateful for some of the changes in my life recently. 2011 has started out on such a positive note. I am still writing. I started my new short story today. It took me a while to think of how I could structure it. I also had to do some research for back story. I am excited to show it to my friend. Coffee was excellent this morning. I had French Roast while I wrote.

I am going to my daughters Dr. appointment Monday. She has a knee surgery. Her little boyfriend wants to come along. I told her I was going to intimidate him. She was like, "Nooooooo". I laughed so hard. I'll be nice. The sun is shining outside today and in my heart. Very little negativity today.

Peace

dumbdavid

Haley's Comet

I have been busy the last few days. I had a great visit with my daughter after Christmas. Things seem to be turning around for me. I can't specify currently. The solar system is simply mind blowing sometimes. I especially like Haley's Comet. It is the only naked eye comet that can be seen twice in the lifetime of most human beings. Is that incredible or what. There are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. Timing is crucial.

Peace

dumbdavid