Well, with no surprise, my Dad cancelled coming to Christmas dinner. He would rather sit home alone with a Marie Calenders dinner than come spend it with me and my new family. I won't go into the possible reasons. I can think of several that would explain it. R. says I can't change his mind. It's true I can't. I try to empathize with his position. I have spent too many Christmas' alone. My new family jokes about me and the Chinese restaurant on Christmas. It's funny but it hurts too. It's part of my past I'm not especially proud of. It just makes me grateful to be sitting here today.
It's been almost ten years since I moved to this town. I stayed because of Dad when all things said I should move back closer to my daughter. She turned 18 yesterday and is beautiful. I have missed over the last nine years with her. I see her probably a half dozen times a year now. It's truly pathetic how bad I have become about visiting her. It's the combination of money and time and exhaustion from a 8 hour round trip. It's a minimum of $200 to go also. No excuse though I should have been there. I stayed here out of loyalty to an old man who knows how much time he has left. He complains about everything and it has rubbed off on me. I know I complain too much. My wonderful wife has commented on it so I try to self check.
My daughter got her first tattoo yesterday. I wish she hadn't. I have two tattoos. Hers is pretty I just don't want to hear Grandpa bitch about it. I guess parents are suppose to tell you how to live your life. It's part of the bonus of being a parent(really?) I wrote my daughter a touching letter for her 18th birthday. I told her how proud I was of her and how I would support her. I told her to live her life the way she wants to. Don't try to be someone that pleases all around her. I told her to live her life that makes her happy and I would support her. In the end that's most important, that she is happy. If I lay a bunch of guilt or complaints on her what's gained by it?
Just the leather belt, I am trying to change the past and make a better future for my child.
Peace
dumbdavid
