Donnie Darko

I wish more movies were original, thought provoking and creative as the movie I just watched. Considering tonight is the night of the Oscars, I chose to watch Donnie Darko instead. What a mind fuck! I have watched many movies in my life. I usually can figure out what is going to happen in a movie. There are not too many movies that I immediately wanted to watch over just to figure out what I just saw. Donnie Darko is one of those.

It's not perfect by any means. There were some stereotypical characters in the movie. The rest of the movie was like an acid trip that you can't turn off or want to. I studied psychology in school and have extensive work experience with mentally ill people, including paranoid schizophrenics. I thought the Donnie's hallucinations were really articulate for someone not familiar with schizophrenia to understand.

I have sat in on interviews of some profoundly disturbed people. It's hard to translate their experience from their words. I thought the writer/director really captured this experience. It makes it even more frightening considering the number of mass shootings recently. I am not going into the debate over privacy rights of mental health patients and public safety.

"How much did they pay you for being here?"

peace

dumbdavid

Secret Admirer/Stalker?

Well, the last four days have been very weird and interesting. I have received two cards, two silk roses, one chocolate rose and a pink stuff animal with a heart with words, "Hug Me" on it. It started Monday night when I came home from work. There was a simple Valentines card that had "Guess Who?" at the bottom of it, hanging from my front door. Tuesday night I found a chocolate rose on my windshield at work. It also had the Guess Who on it. Wednesday night there was a red silk rose with a Hershey's bar taped to hanging on my door. I found a pink silk rose last night with another card and the stuff animal hanging on my door.

I won't mention who I think it might be but they haven't come forward and I am not sure either. It's funny that this is happening right now. I recently had the selfish thought that it would be nice for a change if a woman would hit on me. Surprise, surprise I have a secret admirer/stalker. This unknown person knows which apartment is mine and where I work. They also seem to be aware of my work schedule.

It's exciting, scary and surprisingly stressful trying to understand and deal with this. I didn't realize how comfortable my isolated bubble had become. I told my Dad that it's like being on a carnival ride. I can't tell which way is up. I think he is excited for me too.

The last note said, "If you know who I am come and see me, if you want to". I am afraid that if I don't show they will think I am rejecting them. I talked to my landlady about this today. I am hoping she will pass it on to this mysterious person that I am interested, possibly.

The cynic in me thinks God is just having a joke at my expense. It wouldn't be the first time he has answered one of my random thoughts with a slightly off answer to my question. Who knows. Whoever you are, let me know. I am an idiot for not being able to figure it out.

peace

dumbdavid

A lot like love

I started writing this blog and the original at diaryland anonymously. I did this in the attempt that I would be more honest. I was worried I would be too self editing and not forthcoming with my feelings otherwise. I made a simple rule, be honest and true. Recently, I broke the anonymous nature by putting someone's real name in this blog. I struggle with removing it or not removing it.

I questioned myself on why I put it in. I also included a picture. I guess, I hoped that she would find this blog. I wondered what would happen if she contacted me again. I won't go find her. I moved away to give her the space and dignity she deserved. Neither of us needed to see each other anyway.

Time changes everything doesn't it? I watched "A lot like love" tonight. I had seen it before. The main characters meet and then keep finding each other over the following years. Hollywood being it's sappy self brings them together in the end of the movie. Kleenex please.

Life isn't that way, I know. I am having a pity party. Woe is David. The guy had lots of chances he couldn't make work. Lots of pretty faces to choose from. I wonder if I am suppose to spend the rest of my life alone now like my father. My mom will be dead three years this April. He can't move on and at 68 I understand. I am 42 and going no where fast.

I am sorry if I hurt you again Eileen by including you in this blog. I am just trying to sort through this mess of my life.

peace

dumbdavid