Bounce

I am watching the movie Bounce. It is a syrupy drama with Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow. Affleck is an alcoholic in the movie and has problems in real life. I have over six years of sobriety now. My life is still a mess though. I spent this weekend visiting my daughter. It was a great time. We camped out and had a bonfire. I also packed all the rest of my belongings I had been storing in my ex-wife's garage. She had been very kind since I was evicted to store my stuff. It wasn't that much since I left most of my belongings behind. I haven't told anyone this whole story except her. I had no money to move my furniture or other things. I packed up three car loads and hauled them to her spare garage. I had no money even to rent a storage locker. My stuff has sat for a year in her garage because I had no car or license to go and pick it up. Now, all that I own is in this little room I rent. I will have to eventually buy furniture and household goods.

I don't blame anyone but myself for this debacle that is my life. I am making small steps forward instead of the backward ones I was. I should probably start going to meetings again too. I guess I am making small steps forward in relationships too. I bit my tongue when I saw the sad state my ex-wife has let her house get too. I am concerned about the mess the house was in, since my daughter lives there. I accidently found my ex-wife anti-depressants in the medicine cabinet while I was looking for a bandaid.

I talked to my daughter about asking the two women on dates. I guess it may sound weird to have a conversation with a nine year old about dating. She asks time to time about me having a girlfriend so I told her no. I think I can feel a postive change finally inside me. I don't know when or if but maybe there is another woman out there for me. I want to be cautious and not make a mistake. I don't want to be closed off or too limited.


Ben Affleck is talking about being a bad driver. It is his metaphor about being bad in relationships. It fits me because looking back I haven't been a good anything in relationships. I think it is good I realize this. I just don't know the right things to do in the start, middle, or the rest of a relationship. Well, enough for now.

peace

dumbdavid