Bus Trip.... part deux

The bus curves northwest on Interstate 35. The highway leads me away from my daughter. The gray metal bus loaded with all the colors and sounds of the world. The little blonde two year old girl sitting in front of me that makes my heart ache worse. The eight year old girl left behind who asked why her mom and dad aren't together anymore. My daughter and I talked about how Grammy Judy died. She told me how much she missed me. I feel so low right now. I feel like such a failure.

The trip was as good and bad as I expected. It was worse than I expected. I wasn't prepared for my daughter's questions about her grandma dying. We did have a good honest talk about it. It was plain to see how painful of a loss it was for her. She was lucky enough to spend some quality time with her grandma before she died. I didn't have the luxury with my grandfather dying when I was eight.

I had an interesting talk with my ex-wife when she picked up my daughter at the hotel. I told her of the conversation about my mother dying. She told me that my daughter has talked to her about it too. I think this good that my daughter is comfortable talking about grandma. I remember once my grandpa died in Kansas City it was a forgotten subject. It was hard for me to deal with. My other grandpa died before I was born so I only had one. I barely got know him after age 5 when we moved to Minnesota.

My ex-wife also mentioned that my daughter asked her why we weren’t together anymore. She said that she gave her the basic facts but she told my daughter to talk to me. Ex told her I needed to explain it better. She didn’t bad mouth me but let me know about it. I didn’t have a chance to talk to my daughter since she was leaving so it will wait until next time. It gave me plenty of time to think about. My wife and I separated when my daughter was almost three. She doesn’t remember it, well especially the time before our separation. It won't be an easy conversation.

We also talked about smoking and grandma. My daughter, of course, asked me again if I had ever smoked. I had fibbed to her along time ago when she was smaller about smoking. I felt guilty about it. I told the truth this time. She seemed a little surprised but satisfied with my answers. She seems to understand the dangers of smoking because of grandma. It is a lesson we will visit many times. Please don't smoke...

peace

dumbdavid