You're beautiful......

I haven't written in quite some time. It didn't seem productive, I thought. It appears I may have been wrong. I have fallen into my old habit of internalizing everything. I now have that old pain between my shoulder blades that won't go away. The last time I had this I was balancing a soon to be ex-wife and a dirty mistress. We all know how that turned out.

I looked at my old posts and realized that the "Heather" experiment is not listed. See, I totally repressed it and didn't share that car crash with you all. A brief synopsis is required.

I met a girl at work who was really pretty and made regular eye contact with me. Her name was Heather. I watched and waited a long time to ask her out. She initially said yes but then circumstances prevented it from happening. We talked on the phone and in person regularly. I thought something clicked. We shared a common background and experiences. She didn't seem freaked out about my drinking history. She pushed back the date several times but insisted we would go out.

It finally dawned on me that it wasn't going to happen. I asked her one day if she had changed her mind. I suspected that our age difference was the problem. I am quite a bit older than her. I wasn't looking for someone younger it just was a coincidence. She said yes the age thing did bother her. Okay fine, we'll be friends.

Time passes and my broken heart starts to mend. I hear a strange rumor two months later. Heather is getting married. She admits it and shows me her engagement ring. She started dating some other guy older than me.

It's mean I know but I am mad and hurt that she chose him over me. My self centered streak is showing I know. Fuck! This dude isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Maybe that what she likes. Oh, his dad owns a small car dealership. I guess he has reasonable financial resources unlike me.

I see Heather everyday at work. I watch for her as she goes by. She says hi to me and I feel like a jerk watching for her. We were nothing and I feel so stupid about this. I opened up to her and I hadn't done that for so long. I am better off for the experience of meeting her and losing her.

James Blunt had it right.

You're Beautiful, You're Beautiful
You're Beautiful, It's true
I saw our face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

peace

dumbdavid