Her in my shoebox

The shoe box contains pictures of her. It holds my memories of her. The ones I can’t let go of or deal with. Most people don’t save these mementos of a lost love. I know I have thrown out stuff like this before. My ex-wife even found old letters from my college sweetheart and made me throw them out.

I opened the shoe box today looking for something else. The box isn’t labeled for her. I have several old shoe boxes stuffed with junk. I had forgotten what this specific box held. I opened it and saw her face. It wouldn’t of mattered how I opened the box. Her face was staring up at me waiting for me to open again.

It hard to believe that almost seven years has passed since she left me. Looking back, it is easier to understand how it didn't work out for us. There was too many obstacles in our way. I sometimes regret that time with her. I would be lying if I said I didn't. I am grateful for that time too.

It was one of the most intense, emotional, chaotic and meaningful times of my life. I wouldn't as healthy as I am now if I hadn't lived through that time. Eileen Lahti opened doors in me I didn't know existed. The fact that I am sitting here typing is a testament to her. She sparked the first words in my adult writing life. It was during our first separation that I found sobriety. I will always be grateful for that.

She didn't push me torwards it[sobriety]. She was the first person outside of AA that accepted as an alcoholic. My own family wouldn't, even to this day.

Her picture in the shoe box. Her beautiful brown eyes aren't diminished by the years or the age of the photo. I remember the day I met her. It was her brown eyes that stunned me. It was ironic that it was her wedding day. She married my best friend. I was already married to someone else. I could only think, "How did he[my friend] get so lucky?" He had hid her away from most of us. I guess for good reason.

I fell in love with the woman in my shoe box. It took several years but it was inevitable. Fate, destiny, fuck I don't know. One can make an argument both ways whether man has control over his fate.


Her in my shoe box

Shoe boxes full of memories and heartache
Was it ever so real as today feels
A surgically enhanced version of truth
Photographs capture the instant of rapture
Locking agony step in step along side


peace

dumb david