You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.
I can't believe my 40th birthday is one week from tomorrow. Lucky for me I won't have to endure a terrible party. My mother really got my dad on his 40th. I guess that's what makes it so weird. He seemed old and grown up and I guess I am pretty immature.
I think that's an honest assessment of myself. It would probably explain some of my poor decisions I have made. I read in college that when a person becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol in adolescence it stops their emotional maturity at that point. I don't know exactly what point I became an alcoholic but it was pretty early on. I never was a normal drinker.
I have been sober five years now. I think I am slowly making progress in some areas. I have paid my rent on time for three months straight. This is a new record for me since my divorce. I am thinking of getting myself a massage for my birthday. I did this the first couple of years after my divorce. It's really nice and it also gives me some contact with another human being. It's weird when you go days or months without the touch of another person. It's the main reason I wanted to divorce my ex-wife. She wasn't mean, just not an affectionate person. We had an ok sex life and I just wanted her to hug me more.
It all goes back to my childhood. My mom told me once that our doctor told her that there were bonding issues with her and me. I was a second child so I don't know if that mattered or not. I always felt second to my brother regarding my mom. I was resentful of her after Scott died. I didn't think she cared as much for me as she did him. I was wrong of course but as an adolescence I couldn't tell.
T-minus 7 days.....
peace
dumbdavid
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