Watching Solaris with director Soderberg's narration. There are many opinions on the movie with quite a few of them being negative. I like the movie and identified with the character of Calvin. I identified with his loss and sense of guilt regarding Rae's death. I understood the guilt of feeling responsible for the end of a relationship. I finally have come to realize that my relationships tend to end because of something I am doing or not doing. There is something faulty in my relationship wiring that somehow short circuits things. I tend to make choices that sabotage my relationships.
An attractive woman smiled and said Hi to me today at the Dollar Store. I said Hi and we went our separate directions in the store. I am so awkward now socially. I wonder if something has fundamentally changed inside of me. I have an almost impossible struggle meeting new people. I feel locked up at that moment of introduction. It used to be so easy when I was still drinking. I guess the lowered inhibitions helped. Isolation is so insulating. Don't you think?
peace
dumbdavid
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