Stevie Nicks sings, "If Anyone Falls." Turns out we both did. What a nice evening. Fixed dinner for my girls while R. mows the backyard. E. comes downstairs and cleans off the dining room table. Such a family setting I find myself wondering if I am in a good Twilight Zone. When does the stress and drama start. I know I shouldn't worry about such stuff. I can't help it. My history almost demands the bad stuff to start up. It taunts me, how dare you be happy. That's not in the cards for dumbdavid. He doesn't deserve this. This joy of normalcy and love. I feel like a stranger in a strange land. I fell through the looking glass and time is running out. I am late, I am late for the nightmare to start. I wish I could quiet those thoughts. Just let go as my recovery literature says. I guess it's part of my addiction. Misery love company and my misery feels neglected. I feel so pathetic for thinking these thoughts. I am really happy today. I have to go to work later but this is about as good as it gets. Ordinary World by Duran Duran is playing now. How convenient? Grieving the loss of a relationship. I am grieving the loss of chaos and darkness. I'll take this love and joy. I will survive and adapt as always. Adapting to happiness will certainly be easier than the bad stuff.
Peace
dumbdavid
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