I found out I was getting a small pay raise effective this Monday. Yeah! I am underpaid compared to my co-workers. I received a letter today telling me my drivers license had been suspended for child support arrears. I was unemployed for over four months earlier this year. I have been paying since June but I guess because I am now over 3K behind it doesn't matter. They based my child support on the good paying job I had over five years ago. It kept going up each year with cost of living changes. Meanwhile, dumbdavid has worked his way down the ladder. I have changed jobs, been fired by senile employer, and unemployed over last two years. I pay over five hundred a month in child support. I love my daughter more than anything but I am in poverty right now. I make 9.30hr starting monday. I barely can afford rent and necessities. They passed a law that takes effect January 2007 that is suppose to balance child support. I can't afford to fight in court to change current support amount. I have talked to several guys who tried and were denied. They ended up owing legal fees and were no better off. I can't even file bankruptcy because it doesn't effect child support, taxes, or student loans, my three biggest debts. My coworkers make over 17.00hr as fulltime employees. I am just a temp and must wait up two years to get picked up. If, the company choses to hire me full time.
I am two hundred miles from my daughter with no way to see her. I moved up here before my Mom died. My ex won't bring her to me and I have no tranportation down there. I have become an absent father. This is the worst thing ever. I knew when I got divorced I had to stay invovlved with my daughter. I even moved to be in the same town as her [two hour move]. I didn't expect the job problems and eviction would happen. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I am listening to Colin Hay sing "I don't think I'll ever be over you" from the Garden State soundtrack. He is the weird eye guy from the group Men Down Under. It is a sad song about love lost and longed for. I don't want E. or J. back. I am sad and lonely. Pathetic I know, but it has been a rocky five years since the divorce. I went from a rocky marriage to dysfunctional relationship on rebound. I can't even get a date now because I am ashamed, yes ashamed, of my current situation. I live in a motel and have no car. I look at the other residents here. There are some college kids, but mostly losers like me. My dad complained the other day. He said he made over 90K for five years and now he is bickering with McD's over 6.50 hr. He is 65 and can't afford to retire. My mom's illness wiped him out.
I think about drinking. It's sad, because I know the outcome would be so severe. I don't know if I could look at myself in the mirror if I drink. I guess, the fear keeps me sober. My coworkers talk about drinking all the time. It is weird. I don't remeber talking so much about drinking just doing it. If anyone is reading this, take a drink for me. I miss it sometimes but mostly not. It's great waking up with no hangeovers.
Hangeovers
The sunlight too bright blinding
Hammers brain fuzzed out again
Shower starts blood thinned flowing
It's a four ibuprofen day again
Jumpstart with a liter of Dew
Countdown 'til a cold brew
Stop off pick up cold case
Take the empties watch the clock
It's five o'clock somewhere
Pop a cold one yes that's it
Work the buzz not too fast
Drunk, oh well, pop one more
peace
dumbdavid
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