I just finished working two overnight shifts. I realized as Wednesday turned into Thursday that it was my brother's birthday on the 27th. I meant to write when I got home but was tired and distracted and forgot. He would have been 45 years old. It's very strange. He still seems older than I at 40 even though he died at age 19. My Mom use to be very good about going to his grave on his birthday and Christmas and on the day he died, Feb. 20th.
I don't go to his grave much. I think it's been less than ten times total. I should go again because his marker needs upkeep. The cemetery had a strange rule about single people could only have flush mounted stones. Married people could get up right. The grass and dirt try to creep over the white marble marker.
Scott committed suicide at age 19. He was a free spirit who tried lots of things but didn't stick to anything. He got deeply involved with drugs and I believe they impacted on his depression. Who knows if it was depression or drugs that came first. It is a moot point. His drug use kept me away from them. It also gave me a false impression of how safe drinking was. I thought as long as I was drinking it wasn't so bad. Ha!
Scott was five years older than I. We still did lots of things together. He use to tell wild shit just to shock me. He never tried to push drugs on me. He got really pissed once when one of his friends offered me a joint. He told his friend to never do it again. Losing a sibling is really hard. There are quite a few psychological books on the subject. I miss you Scott. Happy Birthday, dumbass!
peace
dumbdavid
No comments:
Post a Comment