Glass half empty.....

There are people who look at the world as a glass half empty or half full. I was watching Greys Anatomy tonight. A patient told the main character she looked empty and she admitted she felt it. The show ended with her monologue about wanting more than what she got. I understand that. I don't want the person I use to be with. The time I had with her is over. It was an unhealthy relationship and I am stronger because of it. I still want her in the sad dream like way. I want the essence of her not the real thing. I want the picture of her and not her mess. I mean who wants to compete with three other men for her attention. That's how it ended, for us. I walked away after she played me. I let her. I was so desperate at the end it was sad. Time has given me perspective and I have learned. It has been a long four years since it ended.

I am growing a goatee. It is stupid and screams of mid-life crisis. Think of Ned Flanders from the Simpsons then add the goatee. That's a pretty good description of how I look. I don't care either. I like to joke about not having self esteem. "You can't have low self esteem if don't have any." I am definitely a half full guy. The only thing fufilling in my life is my daughter. My writing is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. I have started assembling my second collection of poems. It will consist mostly of poems involving my police work. You meet some interesting people as a cop. You also see some really tragic things. This a poem for the new book.


12


Police academy doesn't prepare
The horror and tragedy I've seen

Eyes closed the movies play over
They rewind again and again

First on scene what comes next
Drive the family and request

Can't change the outcome now
What if and if and if we did

One boy slipped under water
Drowning in a full plain view

The other was run over his head
Twelve year old boys die again

Late at night all is quiet
Movies still playing inside



New poem for book, doesn't do the two boys justice I am afraid.

I am left with their faces in my memories along with the others who I saw die. They don't tell you that in school either. I don't remember their names anymore. I will never forget how they died though. Life is not fair and sometimes it's damn cruel and unforgiving.

peace

dumbdavid